Usually, I get along with my family. But, lately it's been like pulling teeth. Ever since I graduated, they've been on my back. My grandma still treats me like I'm 7 instead of 17. And is in denial that I'm growing up. My dad actually, isn't annoying me at all. He's always treated me like I could make my own decisions. It's just that I hope he will listen to me when it comes time to make his BIG decision.

The night of graduation, my mother, who I haven't talked to in a year, e-mailed me. This pissed me off. I wish she would grow the hell up and understand that communication with her will never happen. I can never forgive her for the way she treated me. After she left, I was able to live life.

My brother. He isn't too bad. But, what gets really annoying is how clingy he gets. He needs to learn to do things on his own. Just like I had to when my mother left. Hopefully, He can grasp reality.

As for me... I'm driving myself crazy. Thinking to much. I finally have the house to myself. It feels good, but I don't know what to do. I have a bunch of things to do in my room before I go to college. Going to college actually seems fun right now. Because, I've been bored most of my summer. My road trip didn't happen because of money shortage. Going to warped tour didn't happen because of the same reason.

I may be out of a job soon because my boss keeps cutting the menu and driving customers away. I don't have a car anymore, so it's not like I can get another one right off. I need a job to pay for my online courses that i will be taking on top of regular classes. I keep wondering if I'm putting to much pressure on myself. But, then again.. if I don't, I may waste my life. And after dealing with my mother, i know that that will never be an option for me. I just wish that more of my friends were in town. Maybe to go do something.

I believe, I'm putting to much weight on my shoulders thinking about other people. I need to concentrate more on what I am going to do. I know that may sound selfish, but I don't know what else to do. Hopefully, grandma will stop sprinkling the holy water on me and giving me the purity discussion. *sigh*



Sometimes, I think that I will never make it. Making myself get upset to my stomach. Other days, I'm confident and ready to take on the world.


I just wish that confident feeling would stay.

-H-